Undisclosed Desires

A letter to an old friend

2011-07-01T23:24:00.000-07:00

Hello.

I hope you are out there somewhere and reading this. I know you probably won't find it until well after it's been written, or more likely, never at all. But I have some things that need to be said and the guilt that has been building inside me can't remain unspoken any longer.

I am sorry.

I am sorry for the wrongs I have committed to you, the hurt I have caused you, the worry and the anxiety and the tear-filled nights.. You were an amazing friend, one of the best I have ever had, and I regret so much that such a wonderful relationship became as mangled and torn as it did.

I miss you.

In fact, I can't stop thinking about you. You were in a dream last night where you finally came home and I cried and hugged you and I said that I was so deeply sorry. All you did was hug me back and smile and tell me of your adventures.

I regret ever dating you though...

Don't take that the wrong way. I mean it like this: our relationship, our friendship, was good. It was great, from what I recall. There was tension and there was discord, but no relationship would be complete without those things. I was happy and when we finally started to date I felt like nothing would change. But it did. Things became more serious faster than I had expected and the tension started to build between us. I realized that I didn't know how to love you more than a friend, even though you did. And that is why I regret us dating. I wasted such valuable, precious love that you had to give and I didn't realize this until too late.

I've been hounded by guilt since the day you left.

I wish you had called me any other time than when you did. I was with him and I felt obligated to say no to you, and for this I am sorry. I had made a promise and I broke it and I haven't yet forgiven myself for that because I need your permission. For once I am the one begging for your forgiveness.

You look happy, though.

I saw pictures of you smiling and I won't lie, I started to cry. I always told you you had a nice smile, and to see it again was refreshing. I was surprised at how many memories can flood your mind just from one photo.

I'm not obsessed or anything..

Or maybe I am. No, I just keep convincing myself that I'm looking for closure. I have no idea what this feeling is inside me -- desperation, loneliness, guilt, longing. I don't care to find out.. All I want is for it to be gone.

I need your forgiveness.

Tell me that it's okay, what happened between us, even though deep down I know that it wasn't. Tell me that you've moved on and you are so happy and couldn't dare ask for anything more. Tell me that you forgive me for hurting you, for making you cry, and pine, and wilt, and wither.

All I need is just one message, one letter in the mail. That is all I need.

The Future

2011-04-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

People say I am brave

for following my own bliss

but they don't know

that I haven't done all that I could do

in order to leave

I can't seem to leave you.

-------

Am I doing what is right?

To all the warriors out there...

2010-10-09T11:54:00.000-07:00

Keep on fighting

Brother, Sister

Keep on trying

Father, Mother

Keep on going

Loser, Winner

Keep on with your nonsense

Your heartbreak

Your incandescent light

Beating behind a stone cold heart

I hope that we can see some day

That all of us are the same

Broken little dolls tied up to puppet strings

I hope that we can see some day

That all of us are different

A puzzle pieced by fate

So keep on screaming

Keep on kicking

Keep on tick, tick, ticking

All ye who are dead and dying.

-----

I write

therefor I am written.

If you remember one thing...

2010-07-20T22:26:00.000-07:00

if i ever push you away,
i don' t really mean to.
when i tell you i don' t want to talk about it
i do, i am just looking for the right words.
give me a minute, and if i can tell you; i will.
i try to be a struggling mix of real and
perfect at the same time.
at the moment,
i am working on the ratio.
when i get really quiet sometimes
it is because i have too much to say
i have thought of too many things to tell you
all at once
and i don' t know what to say first.
i get immaturely jealous of anyone
who gets to see you on a daily basis.
i miss you really easily.
but i also like that we can be
a p a r t
and we are both okay. space is good, too.
i love the way we love some of the
same things. and i love how
we love entirely different things.
my head is a complicated pile of thoughts,
and fears, and cravings, and dreams,
and this tangled up nostalgia for the
past and, somehow, the future.
i am flawed and i am human and i am broken and
i am trying. and i am one person and i am two
hands and i am one heart.and i love you.
and i am so glad you are here.

-------

...Remember this.

Sometimes you have to let other people say what you mean.
Sometimes that can be the hardest thing in the world.
This time, though...

Cosmic Love

2010-07-05T11:52:00.001-07:00

I'm like that...

2010-06-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm moving way too fast for the sunshine to catch up to me.

+*~~*+

Summer fades yet you remain.

=*~~*+

----------------------------------

Either I forget right away

or I never forget.

What have I done...

2010-05-27T13:27:00.001-07:00

What did I do

------------

What am I doing?

2010-05-12T21:19:00.001-07:00

White walls surround us
No light will touch your face again
Rain taps the window
As we sleep among the dead

Days go on forever
But i h a v e n o t l e f t your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then

will

I

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last

goodbye

Cold light above us

Hope fills the heart
And fades away
Skin white as winter
As the sky returns to grey

Days go on f o r e v e r
But I have not left your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then so will I

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels
Then say the last goodbye

You're

dead

alive

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels

And say the last

goodbye.

------

This one's for you, Sad Song.

Letter 3.

2010-04-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Dear boy who is sleeping,

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Call it fate,

Call it luck,

Call it destiny,

Call it what you will;

All I know is that it has happened

And I am yours and you are mine.

I just hope that you feel the same way too.

Sincerely,

Girl who is still awake

---

All the pictures are here...

but for once, I don't want to share.

Letter 2.

2010-04-19T21:07:00.001-07:00

Dear boy who shapes the day,

Today I realized that our life together

Will be one big poem

Filled with words that only the sun,
Dripping with its own vain glory,
Will be able to witness and repeat.

But the birds and the bees will learn,

And, my oh my, will they do a fine good job

At singing our praise.

Sincerely,

The girl who molds the night

----

Letters from the moon to the sun...

Letter 1.

2010-04-19T20:55:00.000-07:00

Dear boy with the sun in his hair,

Everytime I'm with you
I just want to write.

I want to write your words across my bones

and sew your name into my heart.

You will be mine forever, I swear to you.

Sincerely,

Girl with the star struck smile

----

I love receiving letters...

21.

2009-12-28T23:27:00.000-08:00

My body's screaming for your bones
My body's weeping for your skin
My body's yearning for your touch
My body needs your words within

So say the things I need to hear
Just say them loud and say them clear
So say the things I need to hear
Just say them now and while we're near

My body's gasping for your breath
My body's aching for your voice
My body's begging for that noise
My body doesn't have a choice

So say the things I need to hear
Just say them loud and say them clear
So say the things I need to hear
Just say them now and while we're near

You can whisper, you can shout
Scream it loud and let it out
Just let me hear you say those words
That let me know that I am yours

-------

I can hear this being sung in my head.

I just wish it wasn't being sung by me.

20.

2009-12-28T23:24:00.000-08:00

Love is a one man story. It can't begin and it can't end without the number one being front and center. That line, that single digit, will be the start and the finish. You start with one person: alone, a blank canvas, totally incompitent to this world and their surroundings.

They don't know shit about love and what it is. To them there is only life.Then one day, one event happens to this one person and it becomes about one plus one. They both have no idea what is going on other than the fact that for some reason they are utterly and undeniably obsessed with each other. Time goes by and this story of one plus one starts to equal one. They learn more about one another than the scientists have learned about the earth itself; pet peeves are uncovered favorite attributes of the other are discovered, and something happens that not even science can explain. Mathmeticians are stumped by this unexplainable phenomina. How could one plus one equal one? Only the two individuals, totally engrossed in the others breathing, heartbeat and thought processes, could explain how this could happen.

-------

It's called love.

But that's just a theory, of course.

19.

2009-12-28T23:22:00.000-08:00

I'll be hearing no more of your sad songs

No more will I receive your stories about war and conflict

No more will I hear your voice chastising me and cutting me apart

You were the waves against my shores but now you are no more

You can go on and sing about how much I've hurt you

How I threw you around like a whale with its seal

How I tore you down like Germany with its Berlin Wall

But I will sit here safe and sound and you'll know for sure I'm not around

I hope you have a good day, if it's any consolation for what I've done

I hope you find happiness in someone like I have found in him

I hope you live your life knowing that the end is there, so live like you're dying

But who cares what I hope because I doubt it'll help.

------

Good bye, sad song

18.

2009-12-06T21:38:00.002-08:00

I wish you wouldn't stop writing

I miss your words dripping down

the page

I wish I could feel your soul again

Narrated by the voice in my head,

speaking as I read

You don't write about anything now

Not even how you feel, how I've

hurt you

At least give me this much, would you?

Let me drown in the bitter sweet realization

that I've hurt you

I hurt you good and I hurt you bad

And you bled while I healed and now

I think you've bled out

And now

I think you have no more words to say

And now

i think I'm floating in the silence of your pain.

-------------

Don't you ever stop

Don't you ever....

17.

2009-12-06T21:38:00.001-08:00

He said I wish we could

Just escape. I asked where

He would like to go and

He said Don't you know?

Oh don't you know? To

Escape anywhere where

Sometimes some time

Passes and maps become

hands that lead us to

Trainstations and hellicopter

Pads, that lead us to

Something just to get

High on. Then he went

Silent and I could feel

The silence sink in like

The dustbowl swallowing

The plains; white noise

Engulfing my head with

Fearful and uncertain

Whispers eating at my

Ear: there is no rain. And

I could feel my heart start

To weep as his lips parted

And he said the words that

I never wanted to hear, as

He said they're keeping us

apart and I have to jump

Through hoops and leap

Mountains just to be with

You. the dustbowl in my

Head then swallowed my

Whole body and I became

Numb, unsure of what to

Do, unsure of what to say.

I became numb and all I

Could manage was laying

Kiss after longing kiss upon

His forehead, hoping that

If not this one then the next

Would make him change

his words. But they didn't.

They were just butterflies

Swept up in a hurricane of

White noise and dust.

-------------

And for the first time in a long time.... I was scared.

.

2009-10-18T15:08:00.000-07:00

And I find that

there seems to be an excess of words

floating around in my head

something is wrong

maybe the drain that is mouth is clogged.

I'm tired of recycling poems

in order to express how i feel.

i just wanna write

write out my heart

write your name in the sky

all i ever wanted to do

was make you happy

to see you smile.

----

hmm.

16.

2009-09-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

I'll be there when times are rough

And just when you think you've had enough

We can run away together

Because we know that we can do better

Baby come take my hand and we'll leave this place

Don't you fear, our beating hearts set the pace

We got the world ahead of us

And the past is now left behind

So darling don't let go and know

That nothing is impossible

Alone, the world can break us down

But when facing us both we'll cause it to frown

Eyes will turn and mouths will fall

But we'll walk this life with our heads held tall

So baby come take my hand and we'll leave this place

Don't you fear, our beating hearts set the pace

We got the world ahead of us

And the past is now left behind

So darling don't let go and know

...That nothing is impossible

-----

Another collab with Mitch. This was written to be lyrics to a non-existent song. I dare you to sing it and see if you can make it sound fabulous.

15.

2009-09-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Scientist

Everything obeys

a universal LAW.

Nothing happens

without a cause.

If one is not

present it will

be eliminated.

Natural Selection

REIGNS. Chance

is its mistress.

Questions were

created so that

they may be

answered.

Without

answers,

questions

become lonely

WHORES on

the streets;

a one night

stand begging

to be visited again and

again. Questions become

mistresses, answers

become aloe to the

guilt ridden conscience,

and Scientists become

GOD

The Artist

Everything has a

PURPOSE. Chance

is Lady Lucks friend

and frequents the

mind often. Hands

become mouths, media

becomes words.

Questions were created

to be left unanswered.

They burrow into

the brain and work

the hands, trying to

MAKE a solution to

itself. It is a disillusioned

teenager; no self purpose,

no identity. Death then

rolls the die, wins, and

rescues the host from the

parasite question. Without

artists, questions become souls.

Artwork turns into bodies.

They combine and the artist never dies.

The artist becomes

GOD

1 = t.o.i.l.

2009-09-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

I wake to your lips

Not on my neck, but on my hips

Instantly they turn warm

With the clasp your lips form

My breath skips a step

A sharp rise of the breast

Heat pours from my soul

My body is begging to be made whole

With grins we pour into each other's eyes

Causing my body to take swift rise

I lay you down with my lowering chest

My heart speaks to the one it knows best

Words are becoming silent

Our hands are learning to speak

I cling needfully to your skin

No more delay, let it begin!

Your fingers run down the curves

Lighting the fire to my nerves

You're getting closer to the spot

That turns my cold skin to white hot

Lips are becoming one

Tongues are making our blood run

Moans escaping our chest

But our bodies talk the best

Love is seeping the sheets

Our hearts share the same beat

One Two One Two One One Two

You know just what to do

You're no longer at my mouth

Instead your lips have flown south

And nothing can stop you from igniting

This fire inside that I've been fighting

Minutes fly as I melt into flames

Nothing is lost but all is gained

Finally your lips decide to return to mine

They are the contract that you must sign

X. I am yours .

-----

Kept it PG for all you kids out there.

Love is such a fabulous thing.

(P.S. Italicized is what Mitch started to right, then I took it from there.)

14.

2009-09-18T06:32:00.000-07:00

The Artist

She's goin nowhere

But everywhere at once

She sees the end

But is still beginning

Never having the right answer

Never believing she's wrong

She's an oxymoron in motion

She's a girl wanting the world

The Scientist

He's going everywhere

A goal set in his mind

He's got the answers

But they're far out of reach

Never give up

Never look back

Forward motion in suspension

He's a boy becoming the world.

-----

Both exploring. Both are learning. Neither know where they are going. All they know is that they'll get there.

Together.

13.

2009-08-18T16:39:00.000-07:00

And I'm drawing the pictures

of the pieces of you

That I miss the most

But something is missing

Something's just not right

So I go outside with

Birdcage in hand and

Camera in my eyes

Hoping to capture the colors

And fill in the white

But the sun had been swallowed

And all I could see was the swollen

Grey belly of the beast

And that's when I knew

Everyday without you here

Would be colorless.

-----

Let's never part, shall we?

(Old.)

12.

2009-08-18T16:25:00.000-07:00

Letter 1:

Dearest,

I wish I didn't have to

ask you to tell me that

I'm beautiful. I know

I'm not but at least lie

to me.

Lie to me sweetly.

Love me gently.

Sincerely yours.

Letter 2:

Dear,

I went to the cemetery,

where the stone pillars

and lonely names were

the only eyes to see me

cry.

Leaves are spilling over

man made boundaries,

and I'm starting to think:

Life never had it this hard

before.

Sincerely.

Letter 3:

I'm waiting for you

with every breath

I take.

-----

Letters from the lonely heart.

My, what a downer..

(old.)

11.

2009-08-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

How do I put this

Eloquently.

Though, eloquent isn't

The word I would use

To describe what I mean

To say.

No.

My words should not be

Eloquent.

Because eloquence was abandoned

Along with me

And my heart.

Thrown to the side

Put on hold.

Wait until I'm better

Before you can heal.

So tell me,

How do I put this

Truthfully.

Because the truth has

Always been

Elusive.

The truth doesn't exist

Not like it used to, at least.

It ran away long ago

Hid itself behind your teeth

Bleeding as you bit your

Tongue harder to keep it from

Escaping.

----

I say.

I've done it again.

(old.)

Part 3.

2009-08-18T16:08:00.000-07:00

Luther let out a surprised cry and quickly whipped around. Leaning against the doorway was Shava. Her body was slim and her curves were perfectly outlined by the tight yellow tank-top and the skinny jeans that she wore. But it wasn't the enticing lines of her body or the alluring call of her voice that kept Luther standing there like a fool. No, it was the girl's blue eyes shining in that porcelain face of hers. They were deep but bright, and they had a sparkle about them that hinted at an intelligent curiosity.

A moment of silence passed between the two before the girl pushed off the doorway and made her way over to the bed. Luther's eyes never left her. He was absolutely entranced by her, the way her hips swung, the flow of her platinum blonde hair which was pulled back into a pony tail. For a second, Luther could imagine himself on top of her thin frame, one hand gently running down the length of her body as the other tugged her hair free, letting it pool out underneath her precious head. He quickly banished the thought though, ashamed that he was already lusting after this girl when they haven't even said three words to one another.

'She's actually said five to you,' whispered a voice in the back of his head. 'You're practically to third base.'

Luther winced, trying desperately to silence the voice as Shava sat down on the smooth silk comforter of her bed. Her eyes scanned the room for a minute before landing on Luther, who wanted to crawl out the door and disappear. She was very beautiful, yet very intimidating as well.

"Well now," she mused.

Luther started a little at the sound of her voice breaking the silence. His skin was like pins and needles and his stomach was tying itself into knots. What was she thinking? Was he in trouble for looking at her valuables? He was going to leave soon anyway. Why couldn't she just dismiss him, release him from the invisible hold she had on him?

'This is what you wanted, wasn't it?' whispered the voice in his head. 'To see her?'

Yes but not like this, he thought. Oh how stupid he must look right now in the eyes of this girl, which were scanning him now with curiosity.

His brown hair was messy with sweat and hard work, bits and pieces sticking up here and there. He wasn't tan but he wasn't as pale as her, and Shava figured that by the build of his body he probably wasn't the outdoorsy type. To the normal passer-by, Luther was average: average height, average weight, average teenage boy. But to Shava, he seemed... different.

------

Different is getting to be quite normal, these days..

Part 2.

2009-08-09T22:12:00.000-07:00

It was indeed a spiraled staircase, and a long one at that. The stairs where short and steep, and Luther had to watch where he stepped in fear he might trip over his own feet. The air within the staircase was hot and condensed, and Luther could feel the sweat starting bead on his forehead.

'No wonder O'Brian gave me this job,' thought Luther ruefully as he made his way around and around. 'No one else wanted to do it.'

After a few minutes of walking, a cool breeze of fresh air was starting to waft down the shaft, brushing lightly against his face.

'I must be getting towards the top,' he thought excitedly and he quickly picked up the pace. Finally, the staircase led him out into a room.

Luther stood for a moment, drawing in the size of the room. It was large, larger then any room he head seen so far, besides the main entryway. In fact, it was large enough to house a grand piano in the far right corner. By the looks of it, it stayed here all year round, tucked safely under a white sheet so that the dust couldn't touch it's shiny black skin. On the wall opposite Luther there was a large stained glass window with a mural of two doves, their bodies folding into one another as if they were performing some intricate dance. Luther was entranced as the colors from the glass splayed out onto the floor, illuminating the mahogany like magic itself was spilled across it.

A moment passed before Luther was able to snap himself from his revery. He looked to his left and saw the hall that O'Brian had described. Quickly, he made his way down it, his eyes soaking in the intricate wallpapered patterns that graced the walls. Before he knew it he was at the end where a small, round window was open just a crack to let a gentle autumn breeze in. Luther smiled a little, welcoming the friendly breeze as he carefully managed the box into the crutch of one arm and opened the door to his right with the other. It swung open to reveal a medium sized room. A large queen sized, four post bed sat with a regal air in the middle, it's quilted headboard with its back against the opposing wall. Luther looked around, taking in the lavender smell that matched the rich, deep purple color of the walls. This was definitely a ladies room. Not only that, it was Shava's room.

Luther gulped and quickly made his way into the room, setting the box down in the far left corner, then quickly made his exit. He felt intrusive and rude walking into this girls room like that, and he wondered aimlessly whether she felt at all like her privacy was being intruded upon every year when the movers came.

He quietly made his way back down the spiraled staircase and into the main hallway, which was starting to fill up with beautiful furnishings that accented its already magnificent features. These men had done all this in the same amount of time that it took him to carry up one measly box, and Luther could feel an embarrassed blush start to creep up the back of his neck.

'I'll be faster,' he silently swore to himself as he walked out the double doors and back to the U-Haul. And faster he was. The boy almost became an unloading machine, a worker ant of sorts. He was methodical and precise, making an A-line across the floor and up the stairs then back again in no time flat. He had fallen into a routine of unloading, carrying, dropping, walking, and unloading again. The three hour mark was approaching now, and Luther had successfully unloaded all of the boxes except for one, which he was now religiously carrying up the spiral staircase.

"Ha!" he cried as he entered the hallway to Shava's room. He walked in and set the last box down, straightening as he clapped his hands together. His prideful gaze looked over his handy work and he couldn't help but feel a surge of accomplishment welling up in his gut.

"Wait till I tell O'Brian about this," he muttered to himself, a content smile plastered on his face. After a moment, his eyes wandered from the boxes and started to scan the room itself. By then, Luther felt comfortable being in the room and even comfortable enough to look around the place.

The boy grinned as he slowly made his way around the room. He started on the right at the bed stand sitting prestigiously next to the bed, and worked his way clockwise. Next came the closet, whose doors opened with a gentle sigh as Luther peeked curiously into it's seemingly infinite depths. He felt dizzy at the size of it, practically the size of his own bedroom at home, and he quickly shut it and continued his perusing of the room. He made his way around to the far left wall where a white vanity mirror stood, little nick-knacks and memorabilia sitting pristinely in front of the large, illuminated mirror.

"No wonder they say she's so pretty. With a mirror like that, I'm sure any girl could make herself look beautiful."

"I'm glad you think so."

--------

Oh my oh my oh my goodness.

Part 1.

2009-08-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

The days in Summerville had grown shorter as winter approached the small town. Dr. Ricardo and his family were just moving in to their winter vacationing home at the top of Pikes Hill and, of course, were the latest talk of the town. Each year during the middle of September, the doctor would migrate his family of two to the mansion perched on top of that hill, and each year the town of Summerville would wait with baited breath for a chance glimpse of the elusive family. But each year, the townsfolk would be disappointed and at the end of February, when the first buds began to bloom, the house would be empty once again and once again the Ricardo family would slip quietly back into the world outside the small bubble of Summerville.

As the movers began to unload the fine furniture and precious valuables into the mansion, a boy of roughly 19 stood at the bottom of the hill and swore that this would be the year he would glimpse the rumored Shava Ricardo. She was said to be the most beautiful mistress to have ever graced the town, besides her mother, and he was determined just as any other boy would be to see for himself if this were true.

'Oye! Luther Ulrick! Is tha' you standin' down thar?'

The boy looked up in surprise to hear someone calling his name in a thick irish accent, someone from the other side of the rot ironed fence. Standing at the top of the hill amongst the bustling men was a short and stout burly looking man. He had a fiery red beard that hung down to the middle of his chest and an intense gaze that could send even the firmest man into quivers of fear.

Luther stared as his own green eyes met that gaze and he felt a chill run up his spine. The man held it for a good second or two before a smile broke out onto his rugged face and a deep, hearty laugh rolled through his body. He was indeed your stereotypical Irish man.

"Come on now, boy. Don't just stand thar with your mouth open like a half drowned fish. Come 'elp me with unloadin' these things and I'll pay yah 'alf a days wage."

Luther's heart leaped into his throat as he stared up at the man, his mouth falling open a little bit more. "A-Are you sure, Mr. O'Brian? I'm not really a professional, you know."

"Aye! I'm sure. Now get up 'ere, and make it quick! I don't 'ave all day," commanded the man.

Luther quickly scrambled over to the main gate and fumbled with the latch for a few seconds longer than he wished he had before he managed to push his way through. He then quickly dashed up the long drive way and was by Mr. O'Brian's side in no time, his chest heaving up and down from the distance ran.

O'Brian looked the boy over, an incredulous look on his face as an amused glint sparkled in his eye. "Took ya long enough," joked the man as he gave him a hearty smack on the back. "Now then, I'll need your 'elp bringin' in the smaller boxes for the bedrooms. I don't trust your gangly arms with any of the major stuff." He chuckled as he lead Luther over to one of the U-Hauls and opened up the back hatch. Luther winced a little as the sight of boxes upon boxes greeted his eyes. "These all belong on the third floor. You'll take a left in the 'all way and it'll be the last room on your right. Did you get tha'?"

"Yes, Mr. O'Brian," replied Luther. He was still trying to soak in the daunting task ahead of him and wondered whether or not it was still worth it, half a days pay or not.

"I'll need yah to be quick about it though. The Ricardo family will be 'ere in three hours and the doctor 'as asked us to be either done or close to finishin' by the time he and his family arrived. And thas what I plan to do."

Luther looked down at O'Brian and blinked. "Wait, they'll be here in three hours?" Definitely worth it.

"Aye," said the man as he heaved one of the boxes out of the truck and into the boys arms. "So you better get to work now. And don't be snoopin' around the 'ouse either, yah hear? If my boss hears that i let a non-mover into the Ricardo Mansion then you can bet your sweet potaters that I'll be hunting your ass down." With that, the man turned and resumed his post down with the other men.

Luther nodded a silent "OK" as the short man walked off and quickly headed into the house through the double door entrance, clutching the box in his arms tightly. As he entered, he was instantly struck breathless by the stunning entranceway of the mansion. A three tiered diamond jeweled chandelier hung majestically from the domed ceiling, illuminating the intricate pattern made by the spanish tiles on the floor. A double staircase sloped gracefully up and curved to meet the second level hallway where Luther was able to get a glimpse of the entrance to what he assumed was a spiraled staircase, disappearing after the first curve up into the house.

"That must lead to the third level," Luther mumbled to himself.

"What'd ya say," grunted one of the men as he passed by the boy, a rather intimidating look on his face.

"N- Nothing," Luther stammered in response. He gulped and quickly crossed the floor, making his way up one of the staircases before stopping at the top to catch his breath. The box in his arms was starting to feel like a heavy metal weight and Luther was beginning to doubt his capability of completing his task.

'Keep going. You might get to see this Shava chick.' His heart flipped in his chest as his silent reminder sparked his adrenaline. He strode over to what he assumed was the spiraled staircase and slowly started to make his way to the third floor.

-------

Everyone wishes they had a short, burly, generic Irish man named O'Brian to call their own.

I know I do.

10.

2009-08-02T00:10:00.000-07:00

dear me,

you are not a failure. your eyes are

brighter than you think and are

windows to your mind. life is not a

war to win or a game to play, but a

journey to travel.

dear me,

god plays hide-and-seek. learn

from angels and see how they

do. take joy in the small things

and start to notice details, like

the way the sun hits his eyes or

the blue veins running fiercely

under your skin. leave the big picture

up to someone else, someone bigger

than yourself.

dear me,

everything happens for a reason.

embrace change like it was the air

in your bones. look at the world

with eyes wide shut and see it how

a child sees it;

perfect, pure, magical

dear me,

magical. you are magical.

keep yourself around for awhile.

sincerely,

poem

-----

Sometimes you just need a simple reminder of who you are.

09.

2009-07-29T19:30:00.000-07:00

Touch my skin like I was

Air flowing through your bones

Grab hold of me and refuse to let go

Refuse to let go

Breathe me in like I was

Water running down your throat

Drown yourself in me and refuse to let go

Refuse to let go

Drink everything about me like I was

Your last meal, your final super

Satisfy your hunger and refuse to let go

refuse to let go

Swallow me whole like I was

The butterflies in your stomach and allow yourself the chance to

Touch me, breathe me, drink it all in and refuse to let go

Refuse to let go.

----

I miss you.

08.

2009-07-26T00:39:00.000-07:00

speak to me in a language

that only flowers can understand.

preach to me in whispers about

how beautiful everything is, from

the heat of our tongues to the

weight of our bones to the roar

of the life that awaits us. let me

explore you like some kind of

map laid out before my adventurer

fingers and i'll let you taste the

sweetest love your mind has ever

known. speak to me in whispers

and say the words that truly

leave me

silent.

07.

2009-07-23T02:59:00.000-07:00

Another hit has been made
Breaking through the cage of my heart
Cupid take your arrow, spare me your song
Don't you see I've something better to wait on?
Everything is going perfectly, everything is just right
Falling into place like some kind of fairy tale story
Going according to some grand plan
Hummingbird heart, can you feel it too?
I think maybe, possibly, you've found something true
Just take a moment, my tiny bird, and listen to the sound
Kisses in the dark upon my skin of light
Love is the combination of the two; it is twilight.
Move now, my little bird, and be fast and true
Nothing lasts forever and this was made for you
Owl heart beating in your cage, can't you hear my heart knocking?
Please let me in so that I may say ---
Quiet my hummingbird heart, you don't want to scare his bird away
Rest easy knowing that his heart is calling you
Stay fluttering by his side until the morning light
Tomorrow is another day, another chance to do things right
Until we hear his heart say those three words, we will wait
Violently falling over every word he speaks as his heart gently asks
Who, who, who? Who and how could this be? So I
X-ray his chest with the weight of my ear and then I hear
You are the one I want, you are the one I love.
Zero seconds past before I realize what I knew all along ;

-----

I love you too.

06.

2009-07-14T19:32:00.001-07:00

Desperate bubbles escaping a cave mouth.

oh lord, help me get out. Sharp teeth tearing

into the skin of a scream. oh lord, help me

get out. Sacks of air shrinking in a chest.

oh lord, help me get out.

Angry crows sitting in my tree

Pecking at my window

Why'd you leave? Why'd you leave?

Claws digging in the dirt

Chirps becoming screams

Why'd you hurt me? Why'd you hurt me?

Angry crows sitting in my tree

Whispering in my sleep

He will leave. He will leave.

Claws digging in the dirt

Screams becoming laughter

You will hurt. You will hurt.

Then I see.

Those angry crows

Clinging to my tree

They want me. They want me.

-----------

I'm being swallowed up by these shadows and they won't let me go. No matter how hard I fight, kick, and pull they just cling tighter and tighter to me. When I think I've broken one's grasp on my mind and heart, another takes hold and clings tighter then ever before.

Dear God save me.

05.

2009-06-25T11:53:00.002-07:00

and you are like

the suitcase sitting in my closet

drowning under the numerous

fingers and arms and feet and limbs

of my heart and soul and love and

i wish i could just

buy a train ticket and just go to

a place where the throat of the

mountains roar and the elephant

grass grows above my head and

when i get there i’ll

throw this old candle to the side

and scream into the wind and

become the rain and the wind and

the air rushing out of my lungs and

you said to me that night

good bye i’m leaving and then there

was nothing but silence and that

silence was noise, the loudest noise

i have ever heard and that’s when i knew

----

you meant it.

04.

2009-06-25T11:53:00.001-07:00

come with me to my wonderland,
where grass and love grows like
weeds on your skin and the specks
in the sky aren’t just specks, but

instead your dreams, hanging by
spiders thread. be my mad hatter,
my ace of hearts. follow me through
the rabbit hole and drink the sweet

nectar of the singing flowers so that
your eyes can open wide shut and
you can delight in the colors of this
world, the colors that only honey bees

can see. climb into my makeshift
umbrella boat and together we will sail
pass the singing whales and the dancing
clams until we run ashore and our

bare feet can burrow themselves in
the sand, each grain a dream waiting
to be hung by our shaking fingers in the
sky. take my hand and whisper into my

ear all the things that we like to hear.
promise me protection and good will.
promise me love with no ropes. promise
me that you will keep my wonderland safe.

promise me.

---

how delightful indeed.

03.

2009-06-25T11:27:00.000-07:00

You know you got it bad when

the world starts to turn slowly

and everything is perfectly okay,

not because they say it's okay but

because he says it's okay. then the

A.) world stops.

B.) world doesn't matter

3.) world is him.

You know you got it bad when

the electricity starts to jump from

his skin and dance on yours and as

they tango back and forth you realize

that this is the feeling you've been

1.) looking for.

B.) longing for.

C.) waiting for.

You know you got it bad when

your whole brain is screaming L O G I C

and the neurons are leaping from synapse

to synapse, like paper boys wired up on

some kind of crack, and your humming bird

heart is beating faster and harder and

louder and stronger than ever before and

is drowning you in ecstasy. you don't

know why but you know you're going to die

A.) from drowning.

C.) from a heart attack.

B.) from love.

You know you got it bad when

when--?

0.) now.

0.) then.

7.) forever.

-----

Some say love is a game

I say it's like a test

there is no right or wrong

there's just

02.

2009-06-23T01:20:00.000-07:00

This is where the sidewalk ends

1.
Where the road is like the humped
back of a snake, twisting and writhing
its way around islands of houses.

2.
Where the whitecaps that you read
about in history books and fantasize
about in your dreams are not only

contained to your imagination but
also on the gently sloping lips of
the clusters of flowers dappling the

ground. (stars in a sky painted green.)

3.
Where the hidden world of wonderland
is waiting for you just beneath the shaded
darkness of trees and there sits a lone

bench and a pinwheel spinning silently
in the wind; around and around and
around

4.
Where your mind is a fish bowl, sloshing
around and losing its sense with every
step you take until you have nothing but

an empty shell of glass, a fragile remnent
of what once was, is, and ever could be.

-----

I am standing at the edge of where the side walk really ends

and

I am a curious case of nonsense and common sense.

01.

2009-06-21T15:06:00.000-07:00

and there was a

heart in my throat and deep abyss in my chest. there's just something wrong with this picture. maybe it's the fact that everything seems peaches and cream until they tell you otherwise. kind of like when you realize you have a cut and only then does it start to hurt. ouch. maybe it's the fact that love might have gotten it wrong or maybe the fact that he's not gone. maybe it's the fact that i never intended it to end up like this and her words are breaking me. maybe it's the fact that she might be out for revenge or the fact that i'm running and going nowhere.

----

I told you to leave me alone.

I told you i told you I told

just go

Undisclosed Desires

A letter to an old friend

The Future

To all the warriors out there...

If you remember one thing...

Cosmic Love

I'm like that...

What have I done...

Letter 3.

Letter 2.

Dear boy who shapes the day,Today I realized that our life together

Will be one big poem

Filled with words that only the sun,Dripping with its own vain glory,Will be able to witness and repeat.But the birds and the bees will learn,

And, my oh my, will they do a fine good job

At singing our praise.Sincerely,The girl who molds the night

Letter 1.

Dear boy with the sun in his hair,

Everytime I'm with youI just want to write.

I want to write your words across my bones

and sew your name into my heart.

You will be mine forever, I swear to you.

Sincerely,Girl with the star struck smile

21.

20.

19.

18.

17.

.

16.

15.

1 = t.o.i.l.

14.

13.

12.

11.

Part 3.

Part 2.

Part 1.

10.

09.

08.

07.

06.

05.

04.

03.

02.

01.

Dear boy who shapes the day,

Today I realized that our life together

Filled with words that only the sun,
Dripping with its own vain glory,
Will be able to witness and repeat.

But the birds and the bees will learn,

At singing our praise.

Sincerely,

The girl who molds the night

Everytime I'm with you
I just want to write.

Sincerely,

Girl with the star struck smile