A letter to an old friend

Hello.

I hope you are out there somewhere and reading this. I know you probably won't find it until well after it's been written, or more likely, never at all. But I have some things that need to be said and the guilt that has been building inside me can't remain unspoken any longer.

I am sorry.

I am sorry for the wrongs I have committed to you, the hurt I have caused you, the worry and the anxiety and the tear-filled nights.. You were an amazing friend, one of the best I have ever had, and I regret so much that such a wonderful relationship became as mangled and torn as it did.

I miss you.

In fact, I can't stop thinking about you. You were in a dream last night where you finally came home and I cried and hugged you and I said that I was so deeply sorry. All you did was hug me back and smile and tell me of your adventures.

I regret ever dating you though...

Don't take that the wrong way. I mean it like this: our relationship, our friendship, was good. It was great, from what I recall. There was tension and there was discord, but no relationship would be complete without those things. I was happy and when we finally started to date I felt like nothing would change. But it did. Things became more serious faster than I had expected and the tension started to build between us. I realized that I didn't know how to love you more than a friend, even though you did. And that is why I regret us dating. I wasted such valuable, precious love that you had to give and I didn't realize this until too late.

I've been hounded by guilt since the day you left.

I wish you had called me any other time than when you did. I was with him and I felt obligated to say no to you, and for this I am sorry. I had made a promise and I broke it and I haven't yet forgiven myself for that because I need your permission. For once I am the one begging for your forgiveness.

You look happy, though.

I saw pictures of you smiling and I won't lie, I started to cry. I always told you you had a nice smile, and to see it again was refreshing. I was surprised at how many memories can flood your mind just from one photo.

I'm not obsessed or anything..

Or maybe I am. No, I just keep convincing myself that I'm looking for closure. I have no idea what this feeling is inside me -- desperation, loneliness, guilt, longing. I don't care to find out.. All I want is for it to be gone.

I need your forgiveness.

Tell me that it's okay, what happened between us, even though deep down I know that it wasn't. Tell me that you've moved on and you are so happy and couldn't dare ask for anything more. Tell me that you forgive me for hurting you, for making you cry, and pine, and wilt, and wither.

All I need is just one message, one letter in the mail. That is all I need.

The Future

People say I am brave

for following my own bliss

but they don't know

that I haven't done all that I could do

in order to leave

I can't seem to leave you.

-------

Am I doing what is right?

To all the warriors out there...

Keep on fighting

Brother, Sister

Keep on trying

Father, Mother

Keep on going

Loser, Winner

Keep on with your nonsense

Your heartbreak

Your incandescent light

Beating behind a stone cold heart

I hope that we can see some day

That all of us are the same

Broken little dolls tied up to puppet strings

I hope that we can see some day

That all of us are different

A puzzle pieced by fate

So keep on screaming

Keep on kicking

Keep on tick, tick, ticking

All ye who are dead and dying.

-----

I write

therefor I am written.

If you remember one thing...

if i ever push you away,
i don' t really mean to.
when i tell you i don' t want to talk about it
i do, i am just looking for the right words.
give me a minute, and if i can tell you; i will.
i try to be a struggling mix of real and
perfect at the same time.
at the moment,
i am working on the ratio.
when i get really quiet sometimes
it is because i have too much to say
i have thought of too many things to tell you
all at once
and i don' t know what to say first.
i get immaturely jealous of anyone
who gets to see you on a daily basis.
i miss you really easily.
but i also like that we can be
a p a r t
and we are both okay. space is good, too.
i love the way we love some of the
same things. and i love how
we love entirely different things.
my head is a complicated pile of thoughts,
and fears, and cravings, and dreams,
and this tangled up nostalgia for the
past and, somehow, the future.
i am flawed and i am human and i am broken and
i am trying. and i am one person and i am two
hands and i am one heart.and i love you.
and i am so glad you are here.

-------

...Remember this.

Sometimes you have to let other people say what you mean.
Sometimes that can be the hardest thing in the world.
This time, though...

Cosmic Love

I'm like that...

Sometimes I feel like I'm moving way too fast for the sunshine to catch up to me.

+*~~*+

Summer fades yet you remain.

=*~~*+

----------------------------------

Either I forget right away

or I never forget.

What have I done...

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

What did I do

------------

What am I doing?

White walls surround us
No light will touch your face again
Rain taps the window
As we sleep among the dead

Days go on forever
But i h a v e n o t l e f t your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then

so

will

I

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last

goodbye

Cold light above us

Hope fills the heart
And fades away
Skin white as winter
As the sky returns to grey

Days go on f o r e v e r
But I have not left your side
We can chase the dark together
If you go then so will I

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels
Then say the last goodbye

You're

dead

alive

There is nothing left of you
I can see it in your eyes
Sing the anthem of the angels
And say the last goodbye
I keep holding onto you
But I can't bring you back to life
Sing the anthem of the angels

And say the last

goodbye.

------

This one's for you, Sad Song.

Letter 3.

Dear boy who is sleeping,

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

Call it fate,

Call it luck,

Call it destiny,

Call it what you will;

All I know is that it has happened

And I am yours and you are mine.

I just hope that you feel the same way too.

Sincerely,

Girl who is still awake

---

All the pictures are here...

but for once, I don't want to share.

Letter 2.

Dear boy who shapes the day,

Today I realized that our life together

Will be one big poem

Filled with words that only the sun,
Dripping with its own vain glory,
Will be able to witness and repeat.

But the birds and the bees will learn,

And, my oh my, will they do a fine good job

At singing our praise.

Sincerely,

The girl who molds the night

----

Letters from the moon to the sun...

Letter 1.

Dear boy with the sun in his hair,

Everytime I'm with you
I just want to write.

I want to write your words across my bones

and sew your name into my heart.

You will be mine forever, I swear to you.

Sincerely,

Girl with the star struck smile

----

I love receiving letters...

21.

My body's screaming for your bones
My body's weeping for your skin
My body's yearning for your touch
My body needs your words within

So say the things I need to hear
Just say them loud and say them clear
So say the things I need to hear
Just say them now and while we're near

My body's gasping for your breath
My body's aching for your voice
My body's begging for that noise
My body doesn't have a choice

So say the things I need to hear
Just say them loud and say them clear
So say the things I need to hear
Just say them now and while we're near

You can whisper, you can shout
Scream it loud and let it out
Just let me hear you say those words
That let me know that I am yours

-------

I can hear this being sung in my head.

I just wish it wasn't being sung by me.

20.

Love is a one man story. It can't begin and it can't end without the number one being front and center. That line, that single digit, will be the start and the finish. You start with one person: alone, a blank canvas, totally incompitent to this world and their surroundings.

They don't know shit about love and what it is. To them there is only life.Then one day, one event happens to this one person and it becomes about one plus one. They both have no idea what is going on other than the fact that for some reason they are utterly and undeniably obsessed with each other. Time goes by and this story of one plus one starts to equal one. They learn more about one another than the scientists have learned about the earth itself; pet peeves are uncovered favorite attributes of the other are discovered, and something happens that not even science can explain. Mathmeticians are stumped by this unexplainable phenomina. How could one plus one equal one? Only the two individuals, totally engrossed in the others breathing, heartbeat and thought processes, could explain how this could happen.

-------

It's called love.

But that's just a theory, of course.

19.

I'll be hearing no more of your sad songs

No more will I receive your stories about war and conflict

No more will I hear your voice chastising me and cutting me apart

You were the waves against my shores but now you are no more

You can go on and sing about how much I've hurt you

How I threw you around like a whale with its seal

How I tore you down like Germany with its Berlin Wall

But I will sit here safe and sound and you'll know for sure I'm not around

I hope you have a good day, if it's any consolation for what I've done

I hope you find happiness in someone like I have found in him

I hope you live your life knowing that the end is there, so live like you're dying

But who cares what I hope because I doubt it'll help.

------

Good bye, sad song

18.

I wish you wouldn't stop writing

I miss your words dripping down

the page

I wish I could feel your soul again

Narrated by the voice in my head,

speaking as I read

You don't write about anything now

Not even how you feel, how I've

hurt you

At least give me this much, would you?

Let me drown in the bitter sweet realization

that I've hurt you

I hurt you good and I hurt you bad

And you bled while I healed and now

I think you've bled out

And now

I think you have no more words to say

And now

i think I'm floating in the silence of your pain.

-------------

Don't you ever stop

Don't you ever stop

Don't you ever....

17.

He said I wish we could

Just escape. I asked where

He would like to go and

He said Don't you know?

Oh don't you know? To

Escape anywhere where

Sometimes some time

Passes and maps become

hands that lead us to

Trainstations and hellicopter

Pads, that lead us to

Something just to get

High on. Then he went

Silent and I could feel

The silence sink in like

The dustbowl swallowing

The plains; white noise

Engulfing my head with

Fearful and uncertain

Whispers eating at my

Ear: there is no rain. And

I could feel my heart start

To weep as his lips parted

And he said the words that

I never wanted to hear, as

He said they're keeping us

apart and I have to jump

Through hoops and leap

Mountains just to be with

You. the dustbowl in my

Head then swallowed my

Whole body and I became

Numb, unsure of what to

Do, unsure of what to say.

I became numb and all I

Could manage was laying

Kiss after longing kiss upon

His forehead, hoping that

If not this one then the next

Would make him change

his words. But they didn't.

They were just butterflies

Swept up in a hurricane of

White noise and dust.

-------------

And for the first time in a long time.... I was scared.

.

And I find that

there seems to be an excess of words

floating around in my head

something is wrong

maybe the drain that is mouth is clogged.

I'm tired of recycling poems

in order to express how i feel.

i just wanna write

write out my heart

write your name in the sky

all i ever wanted to do

was make you happy

to see you                                                                                                                            smile.

----

hmm. 

16.

I'll be there when times are rough

And just when you think you've had enough

We can run away together

Because we know that we can do better

Baby come take my hand and we'll leave this place

Don't you fear, our beating hearts set the pace

We got the world ahead of us

And the past is now left behind

So darling don't let go and know

That nothing is impossible

Alone, the world can break us down

But when facing us both we'll cause it to frown

Eyes will turn and mouths will fall

But we'll walk this life with our heads held tall

So baby come take my hand and we'll leave this place

Don't you fear, our beating hearts set the pace

We got the world ahead of us

And the past is now left behind

So darling don't let go and know

...That nothing is impossible

-----

Another collab with Mitch. This was written to be lyrics to a non-existent song. I dare you to sing it and see if you can make it sound fabulous.

15.

The Scientist

Everything obeys

a universal LAW.

Nothing happens

without a cause.

If one is not

present it will

be eliminated.

Natural Selection

REIGNS. Chance

is its mistress.

Questions were

created so that

they may be

answered.

Without

answers,

questions

become lonely

WHORES on

the streets;

a one night

stand begging

to be visited again and

again. Questions become

mistresses, answers

become aloe to the

guilt ridden conscience,

and Scientists become

GOD

                                                                                    

C

R

E

A

T

O

R

                    The Artist

Everything has a

PURPOSE. Chance

is Lady Lucks friend

and frequents the

mind often. Hands

become mouths, media

becomes words.

Questions were created

to be left unanswered.

They burrow into

the brain and work

the hands, trying to

MAKE a solution to

itself. It is a disillusioned

teenager; no self purpose,

no identity. Death then 

rolls the die, wins, and 

rescues the host from the

parasite question. Without 

artists, questions become souls. 

Artwork turns into bodies. 

They combine and the artist never dies. 

The artist becomes

GOD             

1 = t.o.i.l.

I wake to your lips

Not on my neck, but on my hips

Instantly they turn warm

With the clasp your lips form

My breath skips a step

A sharp rise of the breast

Heat pours from my soul

My body is begging to be made whole

With grins we pour into each other's eyes

Causing my body to take swift rise

I lay you down with my lowering chest

My heart speaks to the one it knows best

Words are becoming silent

Our hands are learning to speak

I cling needfully to your skin

No more delay, let it begin!

Your fingers run down the curves

Lighting the fire to my nerves

You're getting closer to the spot

That turns my cold skin to white hot

Lips are becoming one

Tongues are making our blood run

Moans escaping our chest

But our bodies talk the best

Love is seeping the sheets

Our hearts share the same beat

One Two One Two One One Two

You know just what to do

You're no longer at my mouth

Instead your lips have flown south

And nothing can stop you from igniting

This fire inside that I've been fighting

Minutes fly as I melt into flames

Nothing is lost but all is gained

Finally your lips decide to return to mine

They are the contract that you must sign

X. I am yours .

-----

Kept it PG for all you kids out there.

Love is such a fabulous thing.

(P.S. Italicized is what Mitch started to right, then I took it from there.)